Tuesday, October 19, 2010

WOMEN! What makes them do it?

I'm not talking about all woman, just the ones who have abusive boyfriends or husbands and keep on taking what the guy dishes out! The women have them thrown in jail and then go drop all charges so they can endure more of the same crap later.

Case in point: And we'll call this a fictional case to protect the UN-innocent... A woman gets beaten up and left in the desert. What follows is that 3 deputies, two border patrol, one park ranger and two helicopters get involved in a search for the guy before he is apprehended. Then the woman makes it to the county seat to drop all charges including kidnapping. This boggles my mind as well as the minds of most non abusive males. The age old question is "What makes them do it?"

I've seen stuff like this happen too many times in which cases it usually ends in tragidy with the woman getting killed before the abuser gets his just reward.

Perhaps some of you women following this blog can help us guys out by explaining why those woman do it?


  1. It's a vicous cycle, Mr Smith.

    Fear is the number one reason ... a deep-seated fear.

    Fear of worse retaliation ... fear of never being loved/wanted ... fear of autonomy ... fear of having NOTHING ... all kinds of fear.

    Co-Dependency is another reason ... feelings of personal unworthiness ... addicted to rescuing ... seeking your identity through other people ... avoiding personal responsibility ... never knowing what true intimacy is ... trying to get validation through others, and giving away yourself (literally) to get it (even if it is false validation.)

    High levels of misplaced guilt is another reason ... believing it is their fault, and if they could only be better it won't happen again.

    All kinds of reasons.

    These women need our love and pity ... and prayers.

  2. And THAT is just the TIP of the tip of the iceberg ... it's sad.

  3. Well ~mc~, I can see what you are talking about which now brings up another question about the other men in their lives. Granddads, Dads, brothers, sons, friends... And that might even include some other females as well. What keeps them from doing what needs to be done.

    Wait! Don't answer that because I already know. You see I've taken up for women like mentioned before and then I was fighting two people instead of one. Both the abused and the abuser. I'm not likely to make that mistake for the 4th or 5th time. Of course in the case of family I think I could do something to stop it when they weren't both together.

  4. I grew up with three sisters and a couple of times, their partners got out of hand!

    My friends and I waited until the men were aone and had a little talk with them!

    Amazing what a touch of "big brother" justice can do!

    I might mention that none of the bullies are still around...don't know why!

  5. Yes sir, you are right ... in their twisted minds, they think if they can show their abuser how faithful they are (so much so that they are willing to fight for them) then maybe their abuser will change, and love them forever.

    Like I said, it's a vicious cycle ... pathetic, sad.

    I'm sure you could take care of it, too ... just like Hermit Jim said.

    ((( hug ))

    and a

    ** wink **

  6. As far as what keeps a lot of people from "doing what needs to be done" ... well, that has a whole lot of reasons, too.

    From apathy ... to fear ... to looking the other way and minding their own business ... to not even noticing ... to not wanting to get involved ... to oh well .. to whatever.

    All kinds of reasons ... and the whole thing is sick, and unfortunate.

    No easy answers aside from needing better role models for our young men and women ... and more short ropes with tall trees.

  7. Nick, life ceases to and in some of those cases that's what needs to happen. I'm sure there are enough abandoned mine shafts left down here to accommodate a bunch of scum.

    HermitJim, Now that's what I'm talking about! ;)

    ~mc~, the tall trees and short ropes sounds as good as abandoned mine shafts. Maybe bring back public lynchings and then use the mine shafts. Problem is that the women need to get help before they find some other AH like that.

  8. It's complicated, tffn. Unfortunately, a lot of little girls don't grow up with great daddies and they grab whatever kind of affection they can. So many women are emotionally fragile and many don't want to trade a bad relationship for no relationship. Do.not.get.me.started. I didn't have a good daddy, but I did have a wonderful mother who got rid of his sorry ass and will always be my hero for saying no to the physical/emotional/mental abuse and stopping the cycle in our family. She showed me that bad treatment isn't ever acceptable even if her mother-in-law told her to stay married to her son.

  9. What mc said. Every word of it. I've known a few of those women myself. One ended up shot in the head by her husband, who (lucky for him) turned the gun on himself next. There was a line of guys that would have done it for him if he missed.

  10. Punishment to those who hurt others is needed. But more than that I think, good communication and education for the children is key to helping stop the cycle of abuse and victimization.

    unfortunately damage is already done and is difficult to reverse. But there are some who love those women and take alot from them because they understand what they went though to a degree.

    disclaimer: Not too many men understand a woman who has not undergone abuse let alone one who has nor will ever know. We will not fully comprehend what they are feeling at the time, nor know how to process the information 100% of the time.

  11. DR, my little sister had a great dad, David's older brother, but it still didn't help her. I grew up hearing her told that the boys that dated her would have to go through her 3 big brothers. I was willing to do what it took to get ride of the first one, but wasn't allowed to. She did finally get rid of him, but didn't do to much better with the next one. At least this one doesn't hit her, just won't work, but I think he know's I'd get him if he did.

  12. Most times he makes the money, she must not have a support system. Very sad. Did I mention " The Burnning Bed ".... is my favorite movie...The SOB has to sleep sometime!

  13. Sad business, Dave. The women in these relationships are just as flawed as the men. What -mc- said for sure. There is a thread in a lot of women that sees dangerous men as exciting and desirable. It is a leftover evolutionary survival mechanism to bond with a strong male for protection and security. Sad when it crosses the line into abuse. There's not much we can do for women in these situations, but we must do what we can.